torstai 11. kesäkuuta 2009

Good old times.

Me and the Little one had a long walk today, all the way to see ‘our’ street. It was different than what I remembered. The whole place is, actually. When I was with him, I probably saw nothing but him. And with him I was a guest, now I feel like an intruder.

I saw all the places I saw with him and I told the Little one just what he told me. This used to be a night club, here there was a movie theatre, around the corner they had swimming pools and a tennis court.. It looks rather sad now. Everything used to be and was before, now there’s very little left. Every here and there you see a little bit of spark and life there probably was everywhere but mainly it’s just shabby outside the main streets. Our house is on one of the main streets and it’s recently renewed, it’s full of flowers and life. But around the old movie theatre I was like in an old western movie where someone has died and the neighbourhood is all quiet, people hiding behind their closed curtains.

If this town was a woman, it would be an old dancer. A woman who walks with her head up high, back straight. When you see her, you admire her way of moving and you can immediately see she used to be someone. When she comes closer you see she’s wearing broken shoes and her clothes are dingy. There’s nothing in her eyes but a layer of mascara trying to hide the emptiness. She doesn’t care anymore what she looks like. She lives in the past, only remembering what she used to be.

I’m afraid I will become like that too. Sometimes I find myself living in the past, not only thinking of things that used to be, but also things that could have been. That roads is full of what ifs. I’m lucky to have the Little one, she drags me back to reality very efficiently.

PS. Why being alone sucks: there’s no one helping you with the sunscreen so your back gets badly sunburnt. And it gets worse.. there’s a huge tube of Aloe Vera gelly but again, who helps applying it? On the positive side it’s about as good exercise as yoga when you try to get it yourself in the middle of the back, just where it hurts the most.

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